Neurodiversity: You don’t have to mask to have success. Thriving in a neurotypical world without losing yourself.

Connect & Grow Magazine: Issue 23 July 2025

We are continuing the topic of masking this month

For many people living with neurodiversity, whether it's ADHD, autism, dyslexia, Tourette's, or other cognitive differences, Success often comes with a hidden cost: the act of masking. It's the daily effort to hide traits, behaviours, or needs to fit into neurotypical expectations. It's exhausting, isolating, and too often mistaken for progress.

I remember attending a family event and I did my best to mask to ensure that I didn't overshare, talk too much, halfway through this event. However, I felt exhausted, and to cope, I became quiet. I listened to the conversations around me instead of joining in. I sat in silence. This was also a challenge, but for me, it was either that or potentially oversharing. As I left this event, a family member asked me why I was going so early.

We had eaten, we had done the dishes, and people were just sitting around in small groups talking. I had had enough, and I could feel the mask I had put on slowly falling. I was told later that in the two conversations I had with two different people, I had asked too many questions. I thought that asking questions about what the person was talking about was the whole idea, to show interest in them and that way I did not overshare about myself or talk too much myself.

It was at this moment in time I felt I couldn't win... if I were me and unmasked, I would have relaxed and had more fun, I would've probably shared a little about what I was up to, but I was clearly told to show more interest in what the person speaking to me was talking about. When I was asked about myself, I didn't say much, once again following what I thought or at least what the rules are.

Slowly, though things are changing, and I have come to discover that I do have a tremendous amount of awareness of my neurodivergent traits, and my masking has been more about making other people feel comfortable; it seems like it is more about what other people think or might say afterwards that many people are worried about.

I have come to learn that i can have awareness into my traits and my thought process, how I process information, however there are still times when i am told to not be me, to put that mask on, and no matter how often I explain that it is exhausting for me to do that, it is about making others feel comfortable.

Across workplaces, schools, and communities, there's a growing recognition that you shouldn't have to mask who you are to be accepted, respected, or successful.

The more we as a society understand and accept that everyone is different and unique, that everyone has their own personality that makes them who they are, the more we can come to a place where we let go of judgements even more.

There is a vast difference between wanting someone to be completely different and having the mask on, which involves social etiquette, including reading social cues to know when someone is no longer interested in the conversation. They are just being polite, not saying exactly what is on our mind, and being able to read a room as such.

Let's delve into what masking is, why it's significant, and how unmasking can be the most liberating step toward thriving on your own terms, bringing a sense of relief and freedom.

What Is Masking?

Masking is when a neurodivergent person consciously or unconsciously suppresses or hides parts of their identity to fit in. This can look like:

·         Forcing eye contact even when it feels unnatural or overwhelming

·         Pretending to follow conversations in fast-paced meetings while mentally lagging

·         Hiding stims (like fidgeting or repetitive movements)

·         Mimicking "acceptable" behaviour to avoid judgment

·         Downplaying struggles or sensory needs to avoid being labelled "difficult"

Masking isn't about deception—it's about survival in environments that weren't built with neurodiverse brains in mind. Over time, though, it can lead to burnout, anxiety, depression, and even identity confusion.

"I didn't even know who I was anymore," said Nadia, a 33-year-old graphic designer recently diagnosed with autism. "I was so used to being who people wanted me to be."

The Mental Toll of Living Behind a Mask

Studies show that chronic masking is linked to mental health challenges, particularly among autistic individuals and those with ADHD. It's not just emotionally exhausting; it can literally erode self-esteem and make it harder to access the support people truly need.

It also reduces self-confidence, and the person may wonder who they are, especially when a particular situation or relationship is over. They are masked to fit into that experience or be accepted for that specific relationship. Our opinions, thoughts and feelings do not matter.

The cruel irony? Many neurodivergent people excel at masking. They become so skilled at it that their challenges are overlooked, and their needs go unmet—because they appear to be "doing fine."

Why the Unmasking Movement Matters

Unmasking isn't about being defiant. It's about being authentic. It's about acknowledging that different ways of thinking, communicating, and behaving are not less—they're simply different. And different can be powerful. Unmasking is about showing up as your whole self, without the need to suppress or hide parts of your identity. It's about trusting that the right environment will value what you bring to the table.

·         An ADHD brain may struggle with structure but thrives in chaos and creativity.

·         A dyslexic thinker may find written instructions difficult but sees big-picture solutions that others miss.

·         An autistic person might avoid small talk but offer deep, honest insight and unmatched focus.

Unmasking is about showing up as your whole self—and trusting that the right environment will not just value, but celebrate what you bring to the table, instilling a sense of empowerment and confidence.

Thriving Without the Mask: 5 Ways to Start

1. Know That You're Not Alone

You're not the only one who feels this way. Millions of neurodivergent people are on the same journey. Reading their stories, listening to podcasts, or joining support communities can make a huge difference, providing a sense of support and understanding.

2. Start Small

Unmasking doesn't mean broadcasting your diagnosis to the world or stimming in the middle of a boardroom (unless that's right for you). It can mean speaking up when something isn't working, asking for a quiet workspace, or letting yourself stim in safe environments.

3. Reclaim Your Needs

You have a right to accommodations—at work, at school, in life. That might mean asking for extended deadlines, more explicit instructions, or simply time to recover from overstimulation. Your needs aren't inconveniences—they're human.

4. Find (or Build) Safer Spaces

Seek out workplaces, teams, friends, and environments that value neurodiversity. If you're in a leadership role, work to create those spaces for others, too. It starts with awareness, empathy, and a willingness to listen.

5. Redefine Success

Forget the one-size-fits-all path. Your Success might look different—and that's more than okay. It's valuable. Whether it's setting boundaries, working non-traditional hours, or creating your own business, Success should fit you, not force you to shrink.

Letting Go of the Mask Is Not Weakness—It's Strength

Unmasking is not easy. It takes courage to show up as you are in a world that often rewards conformity. But every time you do, you make room not just for yourself, but for others who are watching and wondering if it's safe to do the same. As someone who is neurodivergent I do understand the safety in masking at times, and while I am sharing with you to is okay to be completely you, without the masks, there will be times when masking is required, this is more social etiquette in the workplace, the social politeness and as others would say, having filter in place, thinking before speaking,

Your neurodiversity is not something to hide. It's not a barrier to overcome. It's a lens through which you see the world—uniquely, brilliantly, and powerfully.

And you don't have to lose yourself to succeed.

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Written by

Jacqui Grant

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Disclaimer: All information is accurate at the time of publication and subject to change